Being a "soccer Mom" is a job I take a lot of pride in!! Noah absolutely LOVES soccer and while he may not be the best at it, he rarely gives up and is harder on himself than any of his coaches could ever be. One thing we have learned while living in Italy is that soccer is a BIG deal, I mean HUGE!!! The kids here eat, sleep and breathe soccer as do the parents. Going to any soccer game here, whether it is kids or adults, is a site to behold for sure.
After the debacle of Noah breaking his arm last year, we thought he was done with soccer for at least the season but luckily he was fortunate enough to be able to try-out for a special soccer team here called ASC or American Soccer Club. ASC plays with only Italian teams and trains harder than most soccer teams. They work hard and play harder and Noah loves every second of it. After playing with ASC for the remainder of the year (their season is the full school year long), Noah was certain that soccer was his sport and he wanted to work hard to improve himself. And boy has he!! He is not the same shy kid who wouldn't go near someone who had the ball before. He has become aggressive and fears the ball less and less. He is finally making moves and putting himself out there and I couldn't be more proud.
So where am I going with all this??? Well, try-outs for this season's ASC team were absolutely nerve-wrecking. Noah's skill level is much lower than many of the new kids who came out to try-out and I feared that skill would be more important to the coaches than anything else. But thankfully, Noah's heart and determination showed every day of practice and he made the team based on those two factors. But that still didn't satisfy the small voice in my head that screams every time I see Noah not living up to his potential. And that voice is what made me become "THAT" parent.
You know, that parent screaming at their kid from the sidelines because they aren't playing just right. That parent who lectures their kid on all they are doing wrong and not once noting what they are doing right. That parent who put more emphasis on what needed to change and not what was good or even great. Yup, that parent that I hate and that parent I swore I would never be!!!
Then an email came to us parents and it really hit home. The premise of the email was how kids love it more when grandparents come to watch them play because grandparents genuinely love to watch them play and don't become a critic with every move the child makes. It talked about the difference between a good sports parent and a bad sports parent. Here are the main points:
As a sports parent, this is what you don't want to become. This is what you want to avoid:
• Overemphasizing sports at the expense of sportsmanship: The best athletes keep their emotions in check and perform at an even keel, win or lose. Parents demonstrative in showing displeasure during a contest are sending the wrong message. Encouragement is crucial -- especially when things aren't going well on the field.
• Having different goals than your child: Brown and Miller suggest jotting down a list of what you want for your child during their sport season. Your son or daughter can do the same. Vastly different lists are a red flag. Kids generally want to have fun, enjoy time with their friends, improve their skills and win. Parents who write down “getting a scholarship” or “making the All-Star team” probably need to adjust their goals. “Athletes say their parents believe their role on the team is larger than what the athlete knows it to be,” Miller says.
• Treating your child differently after a loss than a win: Almost all parents love their children the same regardless of the outcome of a game. Yet often their behavior conveys something else. "Many young athletes indicate that conversations with their parents after a game somehow make them feel as if their value as a person was tied to playing time or winning,” Brown says.
• Undermining the coach: Young athletes need a single instructional voice during games. That voice has to be the coach. Kids who listen to their parents yelling instruction from the stands or even glancing at their parents for approval from the field are distracted and can't perform at a peak level. Second-guessing the coach on the ride home is just as insidious.
• Living your own athletic dream through your child: A sure sign is the parent taking credit when the child has done well. “We worked on that shot for weeks in the driveway,” or “You did it just like I showed you” Another symptom is when the outcome of a game means more to a parent than to the child. If you as a parent are still depressed by a loss when the child is already off playing with friends, remind yourself that it’s not your career and you have zero control over the outcome.
FIVE SIGNS OF AN IDEAL SPORTS PARENT
Let’s hear it for the parents who do it right. In many respects, Brown and Miller say, it’s easier to be an ideal sports parent than a nightmare. “It takes less effort,” Miller says. “Sit back and enjoy.” Here’s what to do:
• Cheer everybody on the team, not just your child: Parents should attend as many games as possible and be supportive, yet allow young athletes to find their own solutions. Don’t feel the need to come to their rescue at every crisis. Continue to make positive comments even when the team is struggling.
• Model appropriate behavior: Contrary to the old saying, children do as you do, not as you say. When a parent projects poise, control and confidence, the young athlete is likely to do the same. And when a parent doesn't dwell on a tough loss, the young athlete will be enormously appreciative.
• Know what is suitable to discuss with the coach: The mental and physical treatment of your child is absolutely appropriate. So is seeking advice on ways to help your child improve. And if you are concerned about your child’s behavior in the team setting, bring that up with the coach. Taboo topics: Playing time, team strategy, and discussing team members other than your child.
• Know your role: Everyone at a game is a player, a coach, an official or a spectator. “It’s wise to choose only one of those roles at a time,” Brown says. “Some adults have the false impression that by being in a crowd, they become anonymous. People behaving poorly cannot hide.” Here’s a clue: If your child seems embarrassed by you, clean up your act.
• Be a good listener and a great encourager: When your child is ready to talk about a game or has a question about the sport, be all ears. Then provide answers while being mindful of avoiding becoming a nightmare sports parent. Above all, be positive. Be your child's biggest fan. "Good athletes learn better when they seek their own answers," Brown says. And, of course, don’t be sparing with those magic words: "I love watching you play."
After reading that and looking at my own behavior, I vowed than and there I would stop being "THAT" parent and start being a good sports parent. So do I still scream from the sidelines? Yes but only when I am cheering for a good play or an awesome goal!! Do I still chat with the coaches? Yes but only because I am a team manager! But after every game and practice, I make sure to tell Noah that I loved watching him play and that I am very proud of how he played. We don't talk about it unless he wants to and every week, he seems to have even more confidence than the week prior. So maybe, just maybe, these ideas will work!! Only time will tell!!!
But in the mean time, I will do my best to never, ever be "THAT" parent EVER again!!!
