"That" Parent

Being a "soccer Mom" is a job I take a lot of pride in!! Noah absolutely LOVES soccer and while he may not be the best at it, he rarely gives up and is harder on himself than any of his coaches could ever be. One thing we have learned while living in Italy is that soccer is a BIG deal, I mean HUGE!!! The kids here eat, sleep and breathe soccer as do the parents. Going to any soccer game here, whether it is kids or adults, is a site to behold for sure.

After the debacle of Noah breaking his arm last year, we thought he was done with soccer for at least the season but luckily he was fortunate enough to be able to try-out for a special soccer team here called ASC or American Soccer Club. ASC plays with only Italian teams and trains harder than most soccer teams. They work hard and play harder and Noah loves every second of it. After playing with ASC for the remainder of the year (their season is the full school year long), Noah was certain that soccer was his sport and he wanted to work hard to improve himself. And boy has he!! He is not the same shy kid who wouldn't go near someone who had the ball before. He has become aggressive and fears the ball less and less. He is finally making moves and putting himself out there and I couldn't be more proud.

So where am I going with all this??? Well, try-outs for this season's ASC team were absolutely nerve-wrecking. Noah's skill level is much lower than many of the new kids who came out to try-out and I feared that skill would be more important to the coaches than anything else. But thankfully, Noah's heart and determination showed every day of practice and he made the team based on those two factors. But that still didn't satisfy the small voice in my head that screams every time I see Noah not living up to his potential. And that voice is what made me become "THAT" parent.

You know, that parent screaming at their kid from the sidelines because they aren't playing just right. That parent who lectures their kid on all they are doing wrong and not once noting what they are doing right. That parent who put more emphasis on what needed to change and not what was good or even great. Yup, that parent that I hate and that parent I swore I would never be!!!

Then an email came to us parents and it really hit home. The premise of the email was how kids love it more when grandparents come to watch them play because grandparents genuinely love to watch them play and don't become a critic with every move the child makes. It talked about the difference between a good sports parent and a bad sports parent. Here are the main points:

As a sports parent, this is what you don't want to become. This is what you want to avoid:
• Overemphasizing sports at the expense of sportsmanship: The best athletes keep their emotions in check and perform at an even keel, win or lose. Parents demonstrative in showing displeasure during a contest are sending the wrong message. Encouragement is crucial -- especially when things aren't going well on the field.

• Having different goals than your child: Brown and Miller suggest jotting down a list of what you want for your child during their sport season. Your son or daughter can do the same. Vastly different lists are a red flag. Kids generally want to have fun, enjoy time with their friends, improve their skills and win. Parents who write down “getting a scholarship” or “making the All-Star team” probably need to adjust their goals. “Athletes say their parents believe their role on the team is larger than what the athlete knows it to be,” Miller says.

• Treating your child differently after a loss than a win: Almost all parents love their children the same regardless of the outcome of a game. Yet often their behavior conveys something else. "Many young athletes indicate that conversations with their parents after a game somehow make them feel as if their value as a person was tied to playing time or winning,” Brown says.

• Undermining the coach: Young athletes need a single instructional voice during games. That voice has to be the coach. Kids who listen to their parents yelling instruction from the stands or even glancing at their parents for approval from the field are distracted and can't perform at a peak level. Second-guessing the coach on the ride home is just as insidious.

• Living your own athletic dream through your child: A sure sign is the parent taking credit when the child has done well. “We worked on that shot for weeks in the driveway,” or “You did it just like I showed you” Another symptom is when the outcome of a game means more to a parent than to the child. If you as a parent are still depressed by a loss when the child is already off playing with friends, remind yourself that it’s not your career and you have zero control over the outcome.

FIVE SIGNS OF AN IDEAL SPORTS PARENT

Let’s hear it for the parents who do it right. In many respects, Brown and Miller say, it’s easier to be an ideal sports parent than a nightmare. “It takes less effort,” Miller says. “Sit back and enjoy.” Here’s what to do:

• Cheer everybody on the team, not just your child: Parents should attend as many games as possible and be supportive, yet allow young athletes to find their own solutions. Don’t feel the need to come to their rescue at every crisis. Continue to make positive comments even when the team is struggling.

• Model appropriate behavior: Contrary to the old saying, children do as you do, not as you say. When a parent projects poise, control and confidence, the young athlete is likely to do the same. And when a parent doesn't dwell on a tough loss, the young athlete will be enormously appreciative.

• Know what is suitable to discuss with the coach: The mental and physical treatment of your child is absolutely appropriate. So is seeking advice on ways to help your child improve. And if you are concerned about your child’s behavior in the team setting, bring that up with the coach. Taboo topics: Playing time, team strategy, and discussing team members other than your child.

• Know your role: Everyone at a game is a player, a coach, an official or a spectator. “It’s wise to choose only one of those roles at a time,” Brown says. “Some adults have the false impression that by being in a crowd, they become anonymous. People behaving poorly cannot hide.” Here’s a clue: If your child seems embarrassed by you, clean up your act.

• Be a good listener and a great encourager: When your child is ready to talk about a game or has a question about the sport, be all ears. Then provide answers while being mindful of avoiding becoming a nightmare sports parent. Above all, be positive. Be your child's biggest fan. "Good athletes learn better when they seek their own answers," Brown says. And, of course, don’t be sparing with those magic words: "I love watching you play."

After reading that and looking at my own behavior, I vowed than and there I would stop being "THAT" parent and start being a good sports parent. So do I still scream from the sidelines? Yes but only when I am cheering for a good play or an awesome goal!! Do I still chat with the coaches? Yes but only because I am a team manager! But after every game and practice, I make sure to tell Noah that I loved watching him play and that I am very proud of how he played. We don't talk about it unless he wants to and every week, he seems to have even more confidence than the week prior. So maybe, just maybe, these ideas will work!! Only time will tell!!!

But in the mean time, I will do my best to never, ever be "THAT" parent EVER again!!!

It's about that time......

I keep saying over and over again that I am going to get back on the blogging bandwagon and then I fall right off again despite having so much that I want to share with the world. So here is another ditch effort to try to get back into the blogasphere.

I can't promise these blogs will be exciting or even interesting but m hope is to share with our friends and family the things that go on in our day to day lives. Being so many miles away makes me realize how much not only are we missing but how much everyone else is missing from our lives. As fast as the kids are growing and with all the interesting things we have been seeing in the 19 months we have lived here, it seems unfair to keep it all to myself.

So I will try to write every day. Long or short, daily or not, I hope you enjoy ride because I am sure it will be an interesting one, to say the least!!!

:-)

Making a comeback

Originally written February 2014:

I got the itch to start blogging again so let's see if I can do this!!

I had to laugh when re-reading my old posts in my previous blog, especially my very last one. In it, I stated I wanted to do a better job blogging more regularly. So I guess once a year is regularly in my book!!! LOL

Life in Italy has been an interested adventure to say the least. We have done so much and experienced so much over the last year. I won't bore you with all the details but let's just say my bucket list is slowly but surely being completed. This year, we hope to travel a lot more and leave Italy a bit. I already have a cruise and a trip to Brussels planned and booked. There is also a trip to Germany and London in the works as well. I am also really hoping I can get to Poland to see Auschwitz but Lee doesn't see the appeal so maybe I can coordinate a girls weekend. But overall, I think we will have an enjoyable year and a busy one, especially if it goes by as fast as the first 6 weeks have gone.

2013 was a good year to our family. We had our ups and downs, major hiccups, lots of tears but along with the bad, we had major laughs and lots of smiles. A lot of memories were made and both Lee and I had a major accomplishment occur. We both completed our classes to earn our Bachelor's degrees. I finished in December and he finished a few weeks after me in January (technically 2014 but who's counting). Now to decide what I REALLY want to do with my life. I am still not 100% sure but one thing I do know, I absolutely love what I have been doing with my time since last Spring.

Feeling like I was going to go stir crazy when we first moved here, I stumbled upon some different volunteer opportunities. The first was coaching t-ball and the second was volunteering within the PTA. Initially, I started out as PTA secretary but different opportunities presented themselves and I was able to become the Vice President in charge of Fundraising. I absolutely love the position but mostly I love being a part of the PTA. Being at the school, seeing the kids faces when we have done something wonderful for them and seeing our hard work benefit those precious creatures makes me go to bed happy and fulfilled. Doing this work has really made me re-evaluate what I want to do once I go back to work full time. Thankfully I have a very diverse degree so my canvas is wide open. But all those thoughts are put on hold until we go back to the United States. Getting a job here is hard and for now, I am happy with what I am doing with my time especially since I have added Daisy Girl Scout co-leader and Cub Scout Den Leader to my docket of volunteer time plus I am running for PTA president for the next school year. I think all of that will continue to keep me busy and happy.

Well, I am back on the blogging wagon.....

Let's see how well I do with this!!