Bad Mommy...or am I?

Sometimes I hate the fact that my Irish temper shines through and I get so angry with my kids about random things in life. I have been known to put my kids in the corner with their arms to their sides, give out a spanking or two and even once use a wooden spoon to get the point across. While my children mind very well, I hate that they flinch every time I raise my voice at them for being naughty. It hurts my feeling and it makes me feel like a bad mommy that my kids are basically afraid of me.....

Until tonight, that is......

Tonight, I got a true lesson as to why I am the way I am and why I discipline my kids as such.  I have never kept my kids on an extremely tight leash. I like to let them explore the world around them and experience what life has to offer. If they get dirty, oh well, we have a washing machine. If they get a "boo-boo", Mommy will always be there to kiss it and make it better. If they have a question, I will always answer it. That is how I do things as a Mom but you can be rest assured that if you do something that will potentially injure yourself after being told not to do or how to do it the correct way, the "drill sergeant" is going to come out.

We decided to meet Nanny and Poppa for ice cream done by the lake. We have been spending a lot of time down there as the kids really enjoy all there is to do in that area. As we were saying goodbye, we were waiting at the crosswalk to cross an extremely busy intersection, when Jordan decided she wanted to let go of my hand and start trying to cross the street alone. I have never reacted faster in my life. I swiftly scooped her up in my arms and proceeded to lecture her in the middle of God and everyone, not giving a damn who stared, whispered or had something to say. The look of fear on her face was not of what she did, it was of Mommy's anger and she anticipated the spanking that was soon to follow. To be honest, had we not been in the midst of a police officer, I probably would have tore her hiney up right then and there. But I decided to wait until we got to the van.

However, by the time we got to the van, I was cooled off and had no desire to spank her. Instead, I took the opportunity as a teaching moment for both of my kids and had a conversation with them about the importance of holding Mommy's hand when cars are around (again). I am hoping that with how scared she made herself, me and even Noah, we can all learn a lesson from this.

After sitting and reflected upon the day, I find myself stuck on that moment and can't help but to wonder....is it a good thing my kids are so afraid of me? or is it something that will affect my relationship with them in the future? It worries me so much that I am going to screw them up somehow!! Lord, why didn't you send them with instruction manuals????